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HI :)
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 Wednesday, February 22, 2012 Unplanned forI'm the one who's not supposed to be here. I wasn't planned for. Maybe, all this would never happen, maybe, everyone's life would be better and happier. |
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Monday, February 20, 2012 heartache But then, I saw sth that I hated to see. You did sth that you stopped for almost 2 years. The monent I saw you do that, my heart just sank. I suddenly didn't feel like giving you ur present anymore, and I just wanted to give up hope on you. But somehow, by the end of the night, I still gave u ur present and still had hope.. But then, the thing is, when I woke up this morning at 3am, I was thinking about you, and I was super worried :( About you. And I was really scared that you would turn into someone I didn't know. You seemed almost the same, but the things you talked about.. were mostly about army and how much you love that place. You said there were a lot of pretty girls there. :( Baby, are you really changing into someone I'll never know again?? It has been really long since I felt like crying.. And this morning, I did. Baby, I'm really worried about you. But I know, it's your life and you are the one who makes the decision, not me, not anybody... But no matter what, I just want you to be safe.. |
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Wednesday, February 15, 2012 Ah boy! I really wanna just lean on your shoulders and let my troubles and tiredness all disappear. Nope, there's nobody around for me to do that to. People say "good things are worth the wait." Are you that "good thing"? :( Can't wait to see you this sat :) I have no idea who else is going. As in, other than you, no one else is close to me. I'm kinda afraid I'll be super sian during the night cycling. Coz.. no close friends = me shutting up. Yeah. emo nemo. LOL. Baby, I miss you. I really do. But when will I get to say that to you, and have you tell me the same? |
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Nostalgic :( Choir camp was damn awesome, best time I've had. Choir was tiring, and the practices for Masquerade was crazy. But come to think of it, it was all worth while. :') But then I quit, yeah, that's the point, I quit coz I didn't feel like going anymore, and I quit coz I wanted to spend more time with him. Then, I miss year 1 out of so many other years coz I had the best experiences in year 1. There's like a surge of regret and disappointment when I think of year 2. I don't know how to put it in words. I really don't, it's like I feel that things shouldn't turn out the way it did in year 2. J1 was so enjoyable, busy, but fruitful. Year 2? Bullshit. There's this heart wrenching feeling in my heart. :'( Then, I miss SJAB :( We went through all the super tough trainings together, got scolded together, went for camps and CIP together, planned events tgt, scolded juniors tgt. 4 years.. Then I miss my dear Indonesian friends from Singapore-Indonesia camp in 2009. The last night was super emotional, we couldn't bear to part with each other. But then, what's the point of missing all those times? They've passed. Old friends move on when they meet new friends. Then you lose contact. I've never really stayed in contact with old friends. I have a feeling I kinda screwed up my friendships in sec sch. :/ Haiya, I screwed mine in JC too what. But still, I have a few close friends from JC. Guys friends are THE BEST! :) No joke! Less drama and stuff. But the thing is, nobody would wanna go shopping with you. To be honest, I hate talking to ppl who don't talk to me first. As in, if you make me feel like you don't wanna be my friend, I won't put in the effort to talk to you. Probably that's how I drifted away from my sec sch friends. Even if there's a tiny bit of discontent coming from the other person, I will shut up and not talk to person until he/she talks to me first. And if that person makes me feel like he/she really wanna be my friend, I'd tell them everything. Probably why I get betrayed so easily. LOL. I think I'm really dumb at seeing other ppl's motives. Forever dumb. ._. I don't even know if someone hates/likes/loves me until they say/show explicitly. See how dumb am I?! Yeah. Anyway, I wish times can rly stop in 2010. Now? I'm happy, working with a bunch of super nice and friendly colleagues. Though the pay isn't very high, but I have had a great time working with them! There's a sense of achievement after every busy day. And I've got my eyecandy at NuBox. As in, he's the better looking ones between the guys in StarBucks and NuBox luh. Since, I had nth to do at times, so I spot for guys. LOL But still, there are moments of sadness, moments when I really wish that you are still by my side... Meh.. It's 2.20am alrdy. LOL. Bye :) |
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Thursday, February 09, 2012 Bliss Boy, did you know when you texted me today, I was damn happy. I'm not joking. I was really happy. We chatted so much through sms. Bliss <3 This seems all too real. Like the scene from 2 years back. Boy, could it be that there's a chance? Or is my mind playing me again? :/ But, I'm really glad you texted me, I really am :)
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Tuesday, February 07, 2012 Contented girl Plus, I haven't seen him in almost a month. Might be seeing him this weekend when everyone gos for night cycling. *cross fingers* I hope it'll be good. :) Now, I mustn't let this happiness get to my head. Need to chill and just be contented. Maybe he's just treating me as a close friend right? hahaha. I don't know if he knows I still like him. But, let nature take its course lo. What must come will come. What must go, will go. (LOL, if only I was this positive when I miss him) Anyway, I got my pay. $550.25! Not a lot, but still, I'm contented :) Sigh, but like what he said, I'll cfm spend all my pay within a week. I need to pay $230 for my shorts, $100+ to my mum, $50 for shoes, $40+ for 2 tops. Then I just ordered 3 tops for $50+. No money alrdy!! :( But thank God I still have my blogshop :) Walau.. I wanna know what the hell is my eye candy's name leh. :( Somebody shld help me ask! LOL *this is random -.-* |
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Wednesday, February 01, 2012 Screensaver mode Ever since A levels ended, I'm like getting lazier and lazier, and I procrastinate even when I wanna sleep, eat and bathe (You see why I'm awake still?) Hahaha! I've been like thinking of a lot of new things to do to/for myself. Like piercing my ear, dying my hair, I even thought of piercing my tongue lo. Hahahaha. Ltr I become ah lian ._. But then, even if I feel happier now, I still feel empty inside, it's like all these are just making me happy on the material end. I'm thinking about you more recently, It has been 25 days since I last saw you. :/ 3 days since you last texted. I miss you so fucking much can :( But then, the others told me that if you knew tt a girl and a guy can nvr stay as pure friends, plus we're ex, then why are you still so nice to me? I don't rly know what to do. Even when everyone else says that you're probably just being a jerk, I still trust you. I still do. You.. I miss every single thing about you. I miss that look you give me, the time when we walked in the rain, the times when you cared about me, the time when you tied my hair for me. The times we've had. Baby, I miss you so damn much :'( Meh.... Trying to distract myself in so many ways, yet failing each time. Tried to get myself an eye candy, but he can nvr replace you, coz eye candies are just for fun only. Empty. :(  k, random. I'll smile and slp alrdy. Bye~ P.S. I won $40+ just by being banker in black jack on Sunday, lucky or what? ban luck, 5 cards.. hehehehehe. But then, looking at the speed I spend my money, it'll be gone by this week :)* |
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I'm Cynthia, 18 yr old, ex-greenwoodian; ex-riversidian; now a PIONEER in 10S02
one blue apple by