I miss you

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HI :)		Profile: I'm Cynthia, 18 yr old, ex-greenwoodian; ex-riversidian; now a PIONEER in 10S02 TUMBLR / FACEBOOK / BLOGSHOP / TWITTER	November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 July 2011 September 2011 November 2011 December 2011 tenS02 RS alumni 4/4'09 4/5'09 4/6'09 4/7'09 2/8'07 SJAB sec 4'09 NA'08 NC'08 S28 LYL s28 photos City Harvest Pastor Kong Sun Ho Guitar4Christ Cassie Crystal Elaine Erin Germaine Guo Hao Guo Hao :D James Jasmine Jason Jelyn Jia Wei Joanne Joreen Kim Pan Liang Wei Lin Yi Lun Yolandor Yu Jia Zi Yang :) w519 Amelia Benny Clement Hui Zhen Jeff Ngoi Talleah Tyan Huey Xin Ying Winnie Sharon Vivien Atifah Cynthia Ong Atiqah Brenda Bryan Christopher Isabell Jorene Ling Yuan Sakinah Sze Ming Yan Juan Yee Le Jeremy Jia En Jie Lin Linda Li Ting Melissa Meroshini Patricia Pearly Sherilyn Sze Hui Waiean Weiting Wei Bing Ya Hui Zhi Xian 5A'04/6A'05 Adeva Alicia Lai Allison Chen Jing Filbert Hui Ern Izyan Liana Janice Liang Wei Zong Xian	one blue apple by lemon; floral background crane/pikachu icon city icon fireworks icon navigation anything you deem fit.

	Friday, December 30, 2011 2011 Honestly speaking, 2011 is like the worst year of my 18 years of life. It's like life made a fool out of me. I got thrown around, scarred, stabbed, pushed, ran over. But guess what, I'm still standing okay? Though I don't think I'm feeling very happy right now, but I'm still standing. I won't let you know I still like you. Maybe, if I'm brave enough, I'll return everything you gave me. Every single thing. I guess these wounds will never heal. Sigh. Buck up Cynthia. Stay away from him. Since you said that he's won, just let it be. Ignore everything related to him, don't talk to him anymore. Even he lied, even he went back on his words. This proves that nobody can be trusted, no matter how much they do, they'll betray you and leave you someday just like how he and everyone did. Dear 2011, be over asap. Dear me, get stm asap so I can forget everything

	Monday, December 26, 2011 Maybe.. I'm just being silly. Maybe keeping mum about it is the best decision..... But I really wanna tell you. I really do :'(

	Special occasions? I used to look forward to special occasions such as Christmas, New Year, my birthday etc. Now? Nah.. These days just make me feel exceptionally sad and lonely. Coz I know, the reality is that I'll forever be alone on these days and nothing I want will ever be fulfilled. I had you last year. But still, I didn't manage to celebrate Christmas and New year with you. :/ Now that I don't have you, I feel even worse. I worked today, from 6pm till night. But yet, I can't get you out of my head, even when working, amidst all the busi-ness, you're still in my head.. Sigh It's so sucky. Really, everywhere I go, I get reminded of you. It's like no matter how hard I tried, I can't forget you. I'm trying, to not pester you anymore. But I don't know if this is the right decision. I'm still really worried about you. But I guess there are other people who will be there to worry about you, aren't I right? So I shouldn't be so extra... Every where I go, I see sweet couples and I would think of how we used to be. I'd try not to look, but they are everywhere :( Sour grapes? :( Then, the situations I see, remind me of the situations we were in in the past too. I still remember, being so happy I can't sleep. And I do remember that there were times,too, that I was so upset I had to cry myself to sleep.. I really miss you.. But are you really fine? And will I ever.... get to spend time with you again? :( Now, it's like we only go out in groups, and I'd be so afraid to talk to you that I'd rather talk to other ppl. Yet, I would notice your every move, your every expression. Making sure you're okay.. Even if you're not, I can't do anything much too. I can only say "omg, are you okay?" in my mind, and give that worried look that nobody will ever notice, including you. Hah.. Only God knows.. Dear festive seasons, I really really dislike you :( I've been spending Valentines' alone, Christmas alone, New Year alone... Sigh.. I bet my birthday is gonna be like shit next year.. Dear me, why can't you not fall in love? Why can't you just love yourself? Why must you love him? Why are you so persistent? Why must you always need somebody to be there for you?.. Be patient girl, don't expect. You know the things you wish for won't happen, you're only hoping for the best, and hoping doesn't always mean that it'll happen. hugs self I have my toys to accompany me through thick and thin ma, yes? Oh wait, it's from him. :/ Should I maybe return him everything? But.. I don't bear to. Sigh. It'll make things worse ba.. I love you.. When can I tell you that again? When? :( I guess I should head to bed alrdy. It's like 5.30am -.- Oh, you're beautiful is damn nice can! But it reminds me so much of us. shakes head bangs head K, bye. LOL

	Saturday, December 24, 2011 Terrible I give up. I don't even have the mood to shop online anymore.

	:( It sucks when you're missing on facebook. When you get hurt during your trip to Japan and I know nth until somebody talked about it. And what's worse, I know you're hurt and I can't do anything to help you :( I can only ask if you're okay as a friend. Sigh, you tell her and everybody else, but me. why like that? Sometimes I wonder if liking you has became a habit, making it even harder to let you go. But how can it be a habit when I really still care? The "more-than-a-friend" kind of care. I really wish I was a bit braver than I am. I don't know why, but I'm getting more and more afraid, afraid to talk to you. Coz it seemed like you preferred to talk to everybody else but me. Maybe it's just me being crazily paranoid and over thinking again. Le sigh. I wish you could be here for me, and I could be there for you, like how we used to be. But you're like perfectly fine without me, yet I'm dying inside everyday. Le sigh again I had to pretend so much just now. Pretend I wasn't upset, pretend I wasn't jealous, pretend I wasn't worried, pretend I wasn't affected. I didn't like to hear you spending time alone with other girls, but you ain't mine anymore, so I have no right to get upset/jealous. I wish I could ask you how you were and take care of you. But I can't, coz we're over. :( I regretted my decision, my decision to agree with you. I just want to make things right again. I want you back... :'( Haish.. I just wanna stop feeling, stop loving, stop breathing. Coz every second I'm alive and breathing, you're all I think about. :( Funny thing is that I thought I could let you go like what you've said. But till today, I can't.. I'm really really a lousy person.

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